John 14:1-14 (click on the scripture to read it)
I want to start by saying something that I’ve said before; the bible is not a book it is a library. In it you will find every genre known to ancient or modern literature. Not only is it a library, but also the Words contained within its covers are living and growing just like our understanding and relationship with God. This is one of the things that is so great about the many books in this compilation. Each time you read them, the individual stories and the overall picture becomes a little clearer, they sink a little deeper, and they become more real.
My understanding or reaction to today’s Gospel triggered something a little different. As usual I had to read it and study it over and over again until finally, it came to me. It made me laugh, not a full belly laugh, but more like a reflective chuckle. This genre of humor stemmed from my reflection on what it is like to be a disciple, both the ancient disciples Thomas and Philip, and the modern disciples Sam and Kirk.
I just love the ancient disciples... they are so human. Reading about them in the Gospels is almost like watching the Jim Carey movie Dumb and Dumber. For those of you who haven’t seen the movie, let me catch you up. There are two guys who have the biggest and kindest hearts, but they are absurdly clueless. No matter how much something is spelled out for them, they just don’t catch on, they just don’t get it. We, as the viewer, sit and watch as if we have secret knowledge and know what is going to happen next. We become so in-tune with the plot line that we cringe as we watch the characters stumble through one experience after another.
Now I am not really calling Thomas and Philip Dumb and Dumber, but their need to have it spelled out for them over and over again is kind of funny-- both humorous and peculiar. We as readers engage the Gospel story as if we know what is going to happen next. We share with the disciples as they witness so many miraculous and holy things; Water into Wine, the Restoration of Sight, Walking on Water, and even the Raising of Lazarus. Yet even after witnessing these life transforming events, Jesus still has to spell it out, and this time it is somewhat like a commandment. “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me.”
Thomas seeks clarification when he says, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going. How do we know the way?” Jesus patiently says that he is the Way, and the Truth, and the Life. The explanation gets even clearer when Jesus says that if you know Him you know God.
No wonder my stomach cringes when Philip says to Jesus, “show us the Father and we’ll be satisfied.” My chuckle returns as I imagine Jesus' blood pressure starting to rise, his fists become clenched, and his face turns red. (Come on Philip! You have got to be kidding me!)
As a parent of three children and a former school teacher, I have been there, standing at wits end. Yet it is the love of Christ that keeps us going through these clueless moments… clueless moments that we witness in others, but also during those clueless moments in our own relationship with God.
With all that Thomas and Philip experienced as they journeyed with Christ, you might think that they would have had a better understanding of Divine Love, but growing with God is a lifelong journey.
I am glad that Jesus was persistent in helping direct Thomas and Philip, and I’m really glad Christ was there to guide the modern disciples Sam and Kirk. I, Kirk, am historically a worrier by nature. Though I am much better than I once was, it is funny that I still worry at all. I have experienced so many Divine lessons in my life and the lives of others that have taught me over and over again that I should listen to Jesus' words, telling me not let my heart be troubled. Stop worrying and Trust in God!
One of those experiences began about two weeks before leaving for seminary. I started questioning everything. What was I thinking? I just couldn't believe that both Tricia and I quit great jobs that we enjoyed. I began to regret having sold our 100 year old Victorian dream house. And I could not believe that I was moving 400 miles away into a tiny seminary duplex that I had never even seen. The excitement and joy of “following my calling” began to be replaced with worry and fear.
My wife, being the saint the she is, spoke to me in words that vaguely resembled those of Jesus when she kissed me on the forehead, told me she loved me and assured me that everything would be alright. Then she told me to get off my “hiney” and load the moving truck. With this attitude adjustment, off we went like faithful servants, heading south to the hill country of central Texas. I can still remember what it felt like when we arrived. It was hot! I thought Oklahoma Summers were hot until I met August in Austin Texas.
I hardly had time to wipe the sweat off my brow when up came a second year seminary student, who was my official greater. Sam showed up with a Kansas handshake and a mid-western smile, but more importantly he also brought with him my house keys. In no time Tricia and I began to settle into our new surroundings. Tricia started her new job, teaching at the Catholic school downtown and I prepared for August course. August course was designed to introduce new seminary students to the academic life of being a seminarian and help point out areas of strength and weakness. We had class lectures, extensive reading assignments, and a concluding writing assignment.
Day one of the August course opened my eyes to the realities of a master's level curriculum. The course outline stated that over the next week and a half, I was to read three books, and write a final paper over a given topic. It was then that whatever excitement I had left, turned to fear. I had never in my life read so much in such a short amount of time, not to mention writing a paper on top of it. Each day as I tried to complete the reading assignments, the pit in my stomach became deeper and deeper. As my worrying grew, my level of faith which had led me to seminary seemed to get smaller and smaller. Even though August course was not a class that I was going to receive a grade in, I became angry, afraid, and sick to my stomach with every passing moment. The doubts I had about my calling and my ability to do the class work were very real.
The worrying and doubts reached their peak when I received back the writing assignment containing the suggestions about my academic strengths and weaknesses. The reading of these comments brought with them paralyzing suffering. All I could bring myself to do was to sit on a nearby park bench and cry. I was experiencing a major faith crisis as I sat there broken and alone. At this point I needed some sort of physical and tangible proof that there was a God and that I was supposed to stay in seminary. After not receiving the proof I desired, I composed myself and I headed home to repack the boxes that I had only unpacked two weeks earlier.
Tricia was still at work when I arrived home, but there was a car in my driveway. It was Sam and his 1 ½ year old son, Christopher. When I walked up Sam stuck his head out of his car window and said, "Come on Okie, we're going to my house." Saying no to this man was not an option, so off we went. Without telling him what was troubling me, and without telling him about my plan to pack-up, Sam told me about his own first year struggles, both personal and academic. He also shared with me some reading, writing, and study tips to survive seminary. Though Sam's tips did not solve all my academic problems, he did help me see the Truth. He kept saying, "Stop worrying so much. You are here for a reason, so stop worrying about what that reason is. God has a place for you."
Like Thomas and Philip, Sam and I shared together over and over again in our worldly and spiritual struggles; the rollercoaster ride of faith within a life of Christ.
What I continue to learn from the library of books in the Bible, and what I experience in modern day relationships is that despite our fears and our imperfect faith, Christ is with us. In Christ we have to laugh and we have to learn, and in learning who Christ really is, we know the Way, we know the Truth, and we know the Life.
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